Carved Vessel, 40'l x 22"w x 9"h; 2001
It occurs to me that it would help me to get this project going if I actually managed to try to nail down why I feel compelled, however reluctantly, to embark upon it. I guess this tension exemplifies my relationship with writing over my whole life, from about fifth grade on. I feel a need to share what I consider the best of what I perceive myself to be; to express thoughts about the world that perhaps others could learn from.
As I write that last sentence, though, the audacity of it, the arrogance that perhaps I know more than you, dear reader, and would deign to share it with you for your edification, offends me. Before you think that this desire to share comes from a wisdom of years or a life lived in the service of others, I should make clear that it is exactly the way I have felt about my thoughts, inspirations, and opinions from the time I was an early adolescent.
There have been times when I was not so humble and self conscious about it, either. At those times, it was more laziness and lack of self discipline that saved my eagerly waiting public from benefiting from the wisdom of a seventeen or twenty or twenty four year old youth that sincerely thought that the world would be a far better place if people just did things the way he thought they should be done.
So why now? How is it that I have overcome the humility I have struggled to cultivate in the face of overwhelming talents and gifts that cried out to be shared with the world? Well, for one thing, I no longer need to struggle to retain that humility. At fourty seven years old, the principles that I so carefully gathered and crafted in my youth and tried to live my life by have proved to be incompatible with the world as it is in the early twenty first century. Or perhaps the principles are still good, but were incompetently applied; in either case, the only one I have left that I am still able to put into practice is my responsibility to take care of my family. I am doing that now, in some ways better than ever before, but the hole that I dug for us was so deep that I will feel it a major accomplishment in my life if I leave my heirs on level ground - and a glorious victory if it is ground that I can say belongs to my family and I.
I guess what I am saying is that maybe I have gained the right to sing the blues, so to speak; and not possessing any musical ability whatsoever, this is the medium that comes most naturally to me at the moment.
What do I have to offer you, dear reader, beyond this self indulgent wallowing in regret? Well, in the course of getting to where I am, I think I managed to have some interesting little adventures, and have met some interesting people. I will tell some stories, express some opinions, share some knowledge that I have gained, and you are welcome to respond with some of your own.
Dorset
